I hate the place that I live. I hate it with every fiber of my being and I hate how when people ask me where I'm from I feel obligated to say Maryland or Silver Spring when my first thought is Atlanta of Georgia.The last two weeks that I was in Atlanta where amazing, perfect even, and coming back to Maryland from that has just made me feel so disgusting and miserable.

I know it's stupid to feel so obsessed over some state but a lot of it is that I just really miss my friends and my dad and my dogs.

I've lived with my mom most of my life and I love her and we used to act like best friends but now every time I see her I just want to leave the room. Everything she does irritates me and I never want to spend time with her because she is so damn happy that it makes me want vomit, which makes me feel like a horrible child because I want her to be happy but I'm also feeling so ignored by her because of it. It's not her fault either, she keeps offering to let me go live in Atlanta by myself but I won't do it because I know I'm just scared. I'm scared I won't have a place to stay or job that will pay enough money and that terrifies me and so I let myself stay here instead of just trying to go to Atlanta and just doing it, and now I'm just making up excuses not to go even though being in Atlanta is all I want. I just want to go home. I want to be with my friends that find drugs to be completely overrated and who play dungeons and dragons and write and sew and are totally amazing and I would do anything to make them all happy, and I want to see my Dad for long than a month because I miss him more than anything, even though we don't always get along and I hate that he still wants to smoke, I just want to hang out with my Dad and get along and let him get to know the person that I am and who I've become over the years because this isn't fair to him and it's not fair to me.

I just want to go home.